Ever held a jackhammer while it was pounding concrete? Or a massive boulder buried underground? Most of us haven’t, but let me tell you, it’s inspiring. There’s simply no way to ignore one of these machines (or the worker holding onto it) while it’s operating. Everyone in the area knows it’s working. They feel its presence.

Some leaders (okay, perhaps too many) are a lot like that jackhammer. I’m kind of one of those people who, whenever I seem to step into a room, people notice. I’m six foot one and built like a linebacker. For those who don’t know football, let’s just say I’m like a truck. Broad, wide, and full of heft.

I step into a room and you’ll notice. What really gets people’s attention, though, isn’t my physical presence, but my personality. I’ve got these deep Latin roots. As any fellow Latin can attest, we have a tendency to be loud, expressive, and opinionated. We also have this affinity for using our hands whenever we speak. Even while I’m writing this, my hands are moving about as I gather my thoughts!

At times, we come across as angry, aggressive, and even abrasive. That’s not the goal, and I know it comes across strong too often, too much for the one on the other end, a tad overwhelming. You might have heard the expression, ‘Like a bull in a China shop.’ Well, with me, it’s more like an elephant with Dumbo-like flapping ears that’s been hopped up on enriched coffee beans.

You get the idea.

Self-awareness and control in managing my presence isn’t just important, but it becomes mission-critical. If I’m not reflecting on my presence and if I’m not being acutely aware of how people around me receive my presence, I run a very serious risk of losing my audience. Not only that, but I slip into the danger zone of becoming an ineffective leader.

You can certainly step into a room, grab a jackhammer, and crack the earth with your presence, your personality, and your expectations, but all it really does is break down, destroy, or tear apart. Sure, you’ll get results, but in all my years I’ve never once seen anyone walk by a site that was just pulverized by a jackhammer and say,

“Hey, that looks great!”

Be aware of your presence

Slip on some heavy-duty work gloves, cover your ears properly, and grab that jackhammer. Gaze down the barrel of the hardened steel at you and nestle it onto the smooth, hard surface you’re intending to break apart. Flick the switch and hold on for dear life.

After a while, you get into a rhythm. Your arms, muscles, and skin are flapping around like those big, goofy Dumbo ears, but you begin making headway. Pieces of that hardened surfaced start to crack.

Usually, within a minute or two, know what else happens? You become totally focused on the end of the machine. Your focus is so rooted in that one piece of machinery that nothing else exists. You’re suddenly unaware of everyone else who may have stepped into the work area.

Your presence, in that moment, is all that matters. As it should, in that scenario because if you take your focus, your eyes off that machine for just a second, it can hurt you. That’s something I learned a long time ago: respect whatever machine you’re using because the moment you don’t, it’ll bite you.

At the same time, though, you also need to be aware of other people who might be in the area. If you’re not, you could have a young child slip away from his mom or dad and run over to where you are, fascinated by the power of what’s going on. A small piece of concrete could ricochet off and hit him in the eye. Or his ears could get damaged in a short amount of time.

Leaders have a tremendous responsibility to not only get the job done, but to be aware of their presence and the presence of others. You see, it’s not only about you. In fact, if we’re being honest, rarely is it about us in the first place. Not when you’re a manager, business owner, or other leader.

It’s about the cause, the business, the organization. It’s about the people you serve and the people who serve you. Yes, I can stomp into any room, roar like a lion to quiet the place down, and get right into my speech or commands or whatever it is I’m aiming to accomplish, but to what end?

While I get results? Absolutely. Will they last? I couldn’t tell you, but usually not, at least not if your mission is to build something that will stand the test of time.

Our presence as leaders is crucial to success, not just getting jobs done and meeting deadlines, but improving productivity, a sense of belonging among those we lead, and impacting the world around us. We can’t make much of a difference in the world around us (until and) unless we begin making a difference within the people we see, talk you, and lead daily.

Whether it’s family, a spouse, partner or friend, children, neighbors, coworkers, or employees, if you’re not aware of your presence, then how can you possibly understand their reactions to you? How can you possibly determine if what they’ve taken away from your talk, efforts, or dictates is sinking in or making any lasting impact?

When You’re Aware of Your Presence, You Can Connect

Back to our beloved jackhammer for a moment. When you’re working on that thing, your arms are starting to fatigue, but you’ve got a mile to go. You begin to notice a few people arrive. You take a safe moment to glance around. They’re coworkers. Or maybe some friends. What would you do?

Stop the machine, slip off the gloves, and remove your ear protection, right? Maybe you’ll smile and wave as you approach them and get into a conversation. Is this wrong?

Not at all.

You’re taking a moment to connect. You’re taking a break, letting your muscles (don’t forget, your brain is also a muscle) rest. If you don’t let your muscles rest properly, guess what? You’ll wear out. You’ll burn out and before long, it becomes much tougher to keep holding onto that machine, driving it down, giving it the force needed to continue doing its job.

I think too many business professionals operate as though they’ve got to keep their hands on the hammer at all times, that if we step away for a moment and be real, genuine, and have heartfelt conversations with those they lead that they’ll lose ground.

It’s actually the opposite. Being a leader should, first and foremost, be about the people you lead, not about the end goal. Goals are always going to find you. Purpose-driven and meaningful work always lies in the people whose lives we can change, for the better.

Having strong personal presence is all about finding ways to authentically connect with others. This means connecting with their hearts and their minds so that they feel included. If people just see you working that jackhammer all day, every day, and they never get to talk to you, then what are you? Just another machine, another cog in the wheel.

Yet, when you take time to let them see you, let them see a glimpse of who you are, perhaps something you like to do in your free time or even the struggles you may go through at work, it builds trust. It turns you into a human again and not just an extension of some machine.

It’s About Building Trust

Trust is the critical point that leads to true inclusion. We can artificially go out and talk about inclusion, but if it’s only about numbers on a page or a doctrine to check off all the political points of the hour, it’s not authentic and it’s not really leading to inclusion.

Trust is what builds inclusion. Not force. You’re not going to crack apart the concrete slab of intolerance by pouring more concrete onto it. You’re going to do it by building trust.

As a manager, share something about yourself with those you lead. I’m not talking about intimately personal details, but something they can relate to. Keep it small and simple. Don’t create stories that aren’t real. Don’t steal stories from other people and pass them off as your own. And don’t simply tell stories of others to make a point.

You’ve lived plenty of time already to have some amazing anecdotes and stories to share. If you can’t come up with something or aren’t sure where the lines should be drawn, talk about your interests, what you do on the weekends. Something.

Over time, you become more real to them. You become someone they can relate to, someone they can trust. See how that works?

Invite your team to share something personal with you and the rest, but don’t push. Did you know that when you don’t push that also helps to build trust? You also want to listen to what they say. Don’t have a small meeting or pow-wow, throw down the gauntlet, and then start checking your emails while people are sharing of themselves. Listen.

Seek out the common ground, the things that you can relate to, and that will give you a place to connect even deeper with them on down the road.

This Is All About Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is all about being comfortable with your feelings and the feelings of others. When you understand your emotions, you can express them more appropriately with others. Then you’ll be able to read other people’s emotions better, which makes you a much more effective leader because when you can ‘read the room,’ you can make necessary adjustments to help them feel more comfortable.

High emotional intelligence consistently leads to higher performance. Plus, when a manager possesses higher intelligence, his or her team benefits.

The most effective ways to build emotional intelligence is through sharpening self-awareness. Reflect on your days. Determine what went well and what might have gone better if … Keep track of your thoughts and observations in a journal. Review it over time.

Figure out what outside circumstances or forces (an argument with your spouse, financial strain, an illness, etc.) may be impacting your performance at work or even how to treat others during those stressful times.

When you improve your emotional intelligence, you’re better able to be present for each situation. So often we tend to run on autopilot after we’re in a routine, and then we’re no longer truly present. We’re running that machine, watching it chew up chunks of the hard surface, having no clue what’s happening around us.

Stay present. Stay aware. And when you connect and build trust, whatever happens on the job you’ll be right there with those you lead, meeting the circumstances alongside them, rather than at a distance.